If you have been out there in the dating scene as long as I have, you’ve come across at least one of these guys. I’ve actually come across many of them. In the beginning of my dating lifetime, men like this would cause me to continually judge myself and bombard my head with questions about why they weren’t contacting me, whether or not they liked me, what they were doing that was preventing them from calling, etcetera, etcetera. My mind would especially spin if we had been intimate, and almost certainly if they had once been attentive and now the attention had diminished.
Let’s take this matter from a Zen-like approach. Let’s hover above ourselves and the situation and say first… Any man that really cares about making you happy and has the smallest amount of intelligence regarding how to treat a woman – this man would call you. This is basic. Even if you are dating someone who could only touch base with you once in a while (a pilot, a deployed service person, a busy single dad) these men should take the time to tell you that, although they do not have the time to communicate as they wish, you are still in their thoughts. Then these men should commit to the times they say they are going to call, and keep with this commitment. You know in your gut and with your natural woman’s intuition, when the relationship is starting as a healthy one or when you are not being treated as a priority. It’s just a matter of listening to that gut feeling, and then knowing how to react accordingly whilst being the best person you can be.
Given that, let’s continue with our Zen-like approach to the subject and ask, when he is not calling or reaching out in some way or another via the plethora of technological communication devices, what do you do? My answer is… go about your life and not worry about something you have no control over. There should be a balance in the relationship. You both should be on the same page. Counter his amount of attention with the same amount from your end – what he puts into the relationship, you put in, or simply move on all together. I typically voice my opinion to the absent fella only one time. Depending on the person and the relationship, I will passively or blatantly express with kindness, something like, “I was expecting to hear from you this past week. I was kind of disappointed when I didn’t.” This should open the dialogue. But once it becomes an ongoing problem, you know it is time to place that individual in the “friend box” and continue focusing on the development of oneself and the important things in your life. I no longer cause a scene, or start a 3 hour long conversation about my needs, there’s merely a symbolic “smile and courtsey”.
The more you have going on in your own world and the more confident you are as a woman, the easier this process will be for you. Stop trying to figure out unanswered questions in your head, and thinking about what you did wrong or how you’re not good enough. Most guys will notice the fact that you are a woman with her own life, not waiting around for him to call. They will find this attractive. The guys who don’t even have time to care or notice that you’ve retreated your affections, well… they aren’t worth keeping anyway, right?
If anyone has further to say on the subject I would love to discuss and hear your opinion. I know that the “just move on” solution to this very common problem, is hard to do and swallow for some. I honestly feel it is, simple what it is.